and whiskers on kittens

I got an email from Kailtyn that made me laugh so hard that my team leader at work was like, "what the hell is so funny over there? [to her daughter/my coworker]: Elida's checking her email again."

Go here and watch the clip I'm talking about.

let's get something out of the way...



I went to a candle light vigil for Miller last night. The picture above really doesn't do it justice. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my entire life. I felt like the entire city of Trenton was on her front lawn holding candles in silence. It was incredible. I would go on an on about it but the point of this post and my writing efforts right now is to steer my brain (and hopefully yours too) in a less painful/stressful/agonizing direction.

Because, you know, through all that's happened so far this year--and i don't know that you'd believe me if i told you all of it--i've grown up a lot and realized that a lot of cliches are true. And maybe they're been repeated ad nauseam for a reason. When it rains it pours... That's been my year thus far.

But, you know, I'm not alone. Whenever I feel like I'm in the middle of the shittiest storm of all time, I get a call from a friend who needs a shoulder or an ear, who's life is shattering simultaneously with mine. And you know what I do? I give it to them. I give them that ear, or that shoulder and ask if there's anything else I can do.

Because, no matter what, someone, somewhere ALWAYS has it worse that you. So, in the wise words of Diane, "put your big girl panties on, pull up your boot straps, and let's go. it's gonna get worse before it gets better."

So, buck up. Call me if you need me. I will be there for you. And when I say, no matter what, absolutely anything, etc... I fucking mean it. I know what it's like. Let's band together through all of our proverbial shit storms, put on our big girl panties and remind ourselves of why we get out of bed in the morning.

If, for some reason, you cannot think of a reason and you're reading this blog, um, there's your reason. There's shit you haven't read yet. So much, especially if you're here. I have so many wonderful things that I'm going to share with you. So, you know, thanks for reading. I promise you, someone does love you and will miss you one day.

If you don't believe me, call me and I'll tell you more about Miller and the vigil and her mother and the entire city of trenton reaching out to a girl who never felt accepted. Trust me. Someone cares.

now onto the reason you're still reading...
Last night I was feeling like a total bell jar, so i went to my favorite spot. See, I used to go jogging, all the time, (and yes that was a soft "j" in jogging) and there was one spot on my route that always made me feel good. I have no idea why it makes me feel that way. It's along what it technically a drainage ditch, but looks more like a stream, there are train tracks within spitting distance and it's not super easy to get to.

It's quiet, dead quiet, save for the train that passes by occasionally and the water reflects the sky vividly but abstractly enough to resemble a Monet. There is a little bridge and the water is calm as it passes by underneath me. I stare into the water and announce that if i could, I would pay $10,000 to be able to jump into the sky I see in the water. If it were possible, I would jump into that water and transport myself into the sky, flying around in some parallel universe, where they don't have fatal car crashes, buildings don't burn and no one has an illness.

I've stared at that water for hours before, wishing to fly. And, you know, the wishing is enough for me. I can totally imagine myself floating around, feeling the wind on my face, looking down on the Earth from so far away.

the weather
Living in Michigan is not exaclty synomomous with "great" weather. But, sometimes, I feel like we stick around for that odd day when she sun is out and the wind is a slight breeze and we can roll our windows down and not be hot or cold. We can share our music with the rest of the roadways, via open windows, and feel like there are other people in the world. The kids come out to play and ride their bikes and my street isn't just the sound of wind chimes.

Yesterday was like that. It was so beautiful. I got out work early and then proceeded to get sucked into the worst three errands of my life that included: three trips to two different banks and half of my life at the secretary of state. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.

stay with me...
But then... "Seek & Destroy" came on. I turned that shit up so loud I thought I was gonna blow my speakers and my eardrums. But it felt so damn good. I'm sure everyone has a song like that. I have a few, actually. And I would like to share them with you. Maybe you'll like one, or all, or none. I think they're pretty eclectic, but whatevs. Anyway...

Seek & Detroy
When I'm pissed off, this song is perfect for blasting. Classic Metallica.


Since U Been Gone
No matter my mood, this song makes me wanna go out and have a blast. On a nice day, it's like nirvana for a few minutes.


Nineteen
I heart Tegan and Sara and this is my favorite song by them.


Caring Is Creepy
This song has gotten me through some pretty tough days. It's easily one of my favorite songs of all time.


Shadow of the Day
This is my song of the moment. I don't even like Linkin Park very much. But this song is ballin.


PS, this story makes me really happy...

so...
i was in the car with Chelsea and Noel last weekend on our way to Toledo. We had practiced for a little while before we left and I think, in general, we feel really good about the music and us playing together, live, recording, what have you. We were already in a good mood and pumped for Gilda's and then "Since U Been Gone" came on the radio and Chelsea and I squealed like little girls for one good solid breath and then pulled it together in time to belt out the entire song.

Saturdays
For the first time in a long time, I love Saturdays something fierce. I have a 9-5, mon-fri job right now, so Saturdays are my fav. It usually means I don't need to wake up at any certain time and the chances of practicing are generally pretty good. Since the music thing is usually coupled with a trip out to the bar somewhere with some of my favorite ladies, it makes for a great day. AND i usually lay in bed for a really long time on Sunday, so knowing that all day Saturday is pretty good too.

finding shit you thought you lost forever
I cleaned my car out the other day and found two of my Zippos that I was certain had been sucked into the vortex with Papi. But, there they were, under my seat. One of them has the Vitruvian man and the other is my original Jack Daniels lighter. So, I mean, it was a really big deal for me. I thought they had left me forever.

It's just as good as finding money in an old pair of jeans, getting off work early on a nice day, minus the secretary of state, which, ps, was only miserable because i was number "00" and they were on "55" when I got there. And I had to bring everything to a screeching hault because they ran out of numbers. I went up to the counter and asked the woman for more and I could feel the whole room shift, like they were all thinking, you stupid fucking bitch. I am number 57, and I'm late for something really important and my father is sick and i have a headache and if i don't get out of here soon, i will have a meltdown.

The lady went to grab more and was walking at a glacial pace and then the room shifted and they wanted to burn her at the stake in the town square and then click the cover of the number thing was closed and she said, "pull carefully."

I said thank you and spied a little girl trying to sneak her way to the numbers before me. I knew instantly that she was either, a very over anxious child that was told she could pull the number, OR, she had a bitch for a mother who was using her kid as a pawn to get to the numbers before me EVEN THOUGH THEY CAME IN AFTER ME. Either way, I was like, fuck you little girl and/or your mother. I was here first.

So the secretary of state employee woman walked away and i wedged my way in front of this little girl who barely cleared my knee caps and pulled the "00".

But I got out of there alive and finished my errands and picked up the amp I've been waiting for and came home and played with it, and holy shit, it is easily the coolest thing ever.

I would like to leave you with...
one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. I wanted to save it for the end. This song is so effing good. Give it a go. Trust me. As Tall As Lions rock my world in all sorts of ways, including this song:

Ghost of York