everything i needed to know in life, i learned from a cookie.

Sometimes I forget that I live in a cozy little bubble. When I venture beyond it, I am reminded of how far we have yet to go as a people.

When I see shit like this:


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

…I have a hard time wrapping my head around why anyone would ever want to aggressively impede another person’s happiness. I just don’t get it.

So, help me understand. I doubt anyone who’s reading this right now is the kind of person who would do that, but in case any of you are, please, please, please fill me in.


REPENT!!



I wanna know what makes a person feel entitled enough to tell millions of people that they are less than, inferior and do not deserve equal rights. Is it fear? If so, is it fear of the unknown? Does it gross you out? Does it make you feel threatened? Cause last time I checked ya’ll SUCK at the marriage thing. What’s the statistic up to now? Help me remember…

Is it a religious thing? Cause I’m pretty sure the main pillars of Christianity are about love and respect and NOT judging other people. I’m pretty sure the Bible is very clear about the proverbial “us (i.e. YOU)” having no authority in that department. Isn’t that supposed to be the job of the big guy upstairs? Maybe I read it wrong.

And I know there are passages about “homosexuality”, but we could go rounds there too. Cause there’s an awful lot of contradictory shit in the b-i-b-l-e. and it’s fine if you cherry pick for what you want out of it, cause I’d probably do the same thing in your shoes. We could talk about the context with which the Bible was put together, why certain things are in there and certain things aren’t, or about how it might be—and I could be going way out on a limb here-a liiiitttle outdated.

If it’s not religion, than what is it? And even if it is religion that wigs you out, then what gives you the right? Yeah, I guess that’s what im asking. The old schoolyard adage of “who died and made you king? I’m pretty sure the answer is no one.

So, stop it.



believe it or not, this was taken BEFORE i was ready to talk about "it"


You see, when I came out to my family and friends it took me a long time, because I was afraid. I was scared shitless that they would treat me differently, that they might love me less because of something that is completely out of my control.

And, while we’re dancing around the subject I just want to quickly mention that it’s not a choice, trust me. Why would anyone choose to be hated?

Anyway, everyone was fine with it. A lot of the convos went like this:

ME: …I’m gay.
THEM: …and?
ME: that’s it. Im gay.
THEM: Oh. Ok. ::shrugs:: Sorry, I thought there was more. Well that’s cool. I mean, whatever makes you happy.

And then we’d hug it out for good measure.

It took a while, but eventually i told everyone, they figured it out on their own, heard it through the grape vine or just kind of always assumed. And none of them treated me like a weirdo, made me feel like shit, told me I was a freak, tried to change me... none of that stupid, pointless shit.

Some people in my family don’t know, and who knows, maybe they’re reading this right now. Ha.

Anyway, they either don’t know or pretend not to know and at this stage in the game, I don’t really think there’s any point to upsetting my 80 year old Pat Robertson-loving grandparents. They would most definitely freak out and they are probably 100% supportive of the discrimination they’ve legislated all over the country.

I wish I could pick their brains about it, but I’d have to tell them first, which is not happening.

One of my favorite stories w/r/t the little dance I do with my grandparents is this:




A couple winters ago I was visiting them at their home. We were chit chatting and telling stories and then I noticed a plate of cookies sitting on the counter tucked in the corner. They were on some sort of holiday themed paper plate, covered in cellophane. They looked delicious.

“Ooooh! Can I have one of these?” I asked.

My grandmother reached her arm out towards me like I’d just thrown a lit match into the gas tank of their Cadillac, “NOOO!! You don’t want those cookies.”

“Oh.” I pulled my hand away from the plate. “Are they old or something?”

“No they’re not old. They’re from,” she lowered her voice, “ the neighbors.”

I lowered my voice too, “are they terrorists?”

“No,” she said, “they’re… lesbians.”

Um… what? I was puzzled. Why the hell should that matter? They seriously looked really, really good, those cookies.

“Are they also terrorists?” I pulled the plate towards myself, “Did they put anthrax in these cookies?” I began to un-wrap the cellophane.

“Didn’t you hear me? They’re…” she lowered her voice again, “they’re lesbians.”

“They’re just cookies. You can’t catch gay from a cookie.” I picked up a cookie and raised it to my lips.

She shook her head and sighed a great big heavy sigh that said, well… at least I tried…

I ate that damn cookie and it was delicious. And I can tell you with utmost certainty that the delicious, homemade, “lesbian” cookie, that was lovingly delivered to my grandma’s front door, along with a holiday card, did not turn me gay.

Cookies cannot make you gay. Sharing a glass w/a gay person does not make you gay. Shaking hands with and/or hugging a gay person does not spread gay either. If that were the case a LOT more people would be gay. In fact, we’d all be gay. You wanna know why?

EVERYONE knows a gay person.



Statistically, we the gays, make up a tenth of our population. That means that we work with you, we’re in your family, we’re your friends, we’re your neighbors and we are no different from you on the inside. Our love just takes a different form than yours.

And I swear, we mean no harm. We’re trying to do the same shit you are. It’s just a little tougher for us, because so many people STILL think we’re freaks.

That’ll all change with the passing of time with an evolution of sorts. The older, less accepting generation will slowly die off and then it’ll be just like anything else.

Until that day, I urge you to do one of a few thing:

1. If you are gay. Keep being true to yourself and show, by example, that there’s nothing to be afraid of.

2. If you are not gay, but there’s someone in your life who is and you are totally cool with it, show your support whenever you can. It means more than you think is does, and we could really use the help.

3. If you are not gay but you hate gay people or are scared of them or think that I am crazy when I say that someone you know is gay… first of all, wow. Second of all, open that little heart of yours and let us in, yo.

Life’s too short to walk around carrying all that hate on your back.

And to my fabulous friends and family, I love you more than I could ever express adequately in words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for never treating me like anything less than the hopeless smart-ass-nerdy-goofball that I will always be. I love you.



Let freedom ring ya’ll!