Our house, in the middle of our street...

We’re renting a house in Dearborn now; we moved in on Saturday. I like it. It’s right by the park. And I know that renting a house is kind of stupid, but so is renting an apt in Detroit w/out renter’s insurance and then losing all your shit in a fire. So, yeah.

But the house is nice. The street is so eerily quiet. Sometimes late at night I feel like we are the only two people left on the face of the planet. And, you know, we’d be screwed, because procreation is just fucking impossible. It’s just so quiet.

I’ll admit, that this stoop is much more comfortable than the last. There’s a couch and it’s this great big porch with outdoor carpeting on it and I can see down the block through everyone else’s patios just like ours. But this stoop is so god awful boring. There is next to nothing going on at nearly any hour during the day.

There is a family across the street who goes out to the stoop regularly. Well, I guess I’m not super sure on their status as a family. There is one woman and she has fluffy dark hair and drapes scarves over the shoulders of her pants suit. She steps out onto the porch frequently for a cigarette and is almost always joined by another woman with blonde hair like a TV news anchor. That shit is lacquered on her head like whoa. It’s probably wind tunnel proof. They both speak a Middle Eastern dialect to one another and so I have no idea what they are ever talking about.

They seem nice enough, but all they do is come out to smoke and talk in a language I don’t speak. So, I mean, what’s the point?

Our neighbor upstairs is a boy. His name is Nick and Rori met him yesterday. He sort of/kind of/basically hit on her. I could hear them outside the door while I was making dinner. We had to unchain the side door so he could put some more of his smelly ass hockey gear in the basement.

Seriously, sweaty boy gym bag is the worst smell ever. I mean ever. I feel like gagging when I walk down the stairs. But it’s ok, because it’s not like I’m gonna hang out down there anyway. But I swear to god, if he says one word about not liking the noise from the drum kit, I will just jam his gross ass bag at his face and be like, “um, hello, this is way worse.”

Anyway, he seems nice enough. He’s really super quiet. Or maybe there’s just really good carpeting/insulation in the house. When he met Rori he was all “haha, sorry I just need to get to the basement to drop of my gear. [looks down at her slippers] Hey those are really cute slippers.”

And she was all, “haha, oh my gosh, thanks…blah blah blah”

I started laughing. I can’t wait til he finds out she has a girlfriend.


As we were loading all of Rori’s stuff into the moving van (not a u-haul, ps. They didn’t have any available) I was getting the biggest kick out of how she labeled everything. Among her stuff, we found the following labels:

Oh my god, shoes (3 of those)
Rugs & tools ☺
Really random
Really random & hair products
Kitchen really random
Hall closet?
F☺☺D

Unpacking them was even better, When I opened the “really random & hair products” box, the first thing laying on top was her pair of candy apple red stripper heels. And in another box labeled for the bathroom I found the light up wand that goes with her Rainbow Bright costume.

In a box she labeled “Blankets” I found ONE blanket, one pillow and a hammer. She is the weirdest packer ever. When asked why she packed so haphazardly, she laughed, “Pft… I have no idea why you’re even asking me. Do you think I know? I just grabbed stuff and put it into boxes. At least they were labeled.”

“Well,” I said, “sort of.”

OH! And then this amazing thing happened while we were loading up the moving van. Wait! Let me start somewhere else…

On the morning of the move I got up @ 7am, which is no small feat and drove with my mother to go pick up the truck. I called my dad several times to let him know we were on our way. He was supposed to meet us there and drive the truck for me because I was absolutely terrified of that kind of responsibility. When I finally got a hold of him he was groggy on the phone having just woken up, “Sorry honey, I was up at the bar late last night.” I could hear the beeping sounds of the buttons on his microwave, which was a good sign. That meant that he was heating up a cup of coffee, which also meant that at least he was out of bed. He’s super fast at getting ready, so he was out the door in no time, thank god. But traffic held him up for a while.

AND everyone else was late too. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, for real, everyone else got a wake up call from me, the queen of over sleeping. I mean, I over sleep like it’s my job, and I was up before these chumps with no problem.

I seriously have a ton of sympathy for them; I just couldn’t believe that every single person slept in. It was unreal. Even JP overslept and she’s basically my hero. So, I mean, what does that tell you? The moral of the story here kids, is do not rely on your cell phone as your alarm clock/don’t stay at the bar late the night before you have an early commitment the following morning.

Once we got the ball rolling it was basically smooth sailing. We were all cracking up at the ridiculous box labels and telling jokes. And then the most amazing little sequence unraveled before my very eyes. It was comedy gold.

I was cracking up at something that Brandon said while I was trying to tape up a stackable plastic tote drawer thing that had one of the wheels dangling by a piece of packaging tape while I was trying to talk on the phone at the same time. I think I was telling Kaitlyn about how crazy all of the boxes were labeled when I tipped the stack the wrong way and they started falling out. So I tugged on it quickly and tipped it the other way hoping to correct it. Instead, I pulled off part of the stack and all of the drawers went zipping down to the floor. They hit the ground with a great bang and it caused one of the bunnies to get scared and bit Brandon in the hand. He had just been petting her and now she turned on him and then went jumping around the inside of her cage. I dropped my phone and Abi dropped the roll of tape and it went tumbling out of her hand and across the room, but she still had the end of it, so it was a long trail of tape that just missed Jay’s glasses that he dropped on the floor near my feet during the commotion. I jerked forward to catch the drawers, Brandon jumped back, Abi jumped forward and almost collided with Jay as he reached to save his precious Oakleys. And yet I still managed to hold the phone with my shoulder. But the conversation was forgotten as we exploded in laughter. So I called Kaitlyn back later and told her about the hammer.

This whole move has been fun. Then again, I like moving. I’m the crazy person who likes this sort of thing.

And you know, that whole fire was kind of a blessing in disguise, because it’s a lot easier to move when you can fit all of your belongings into an SUV. It really puts things in perspective. I might downsize even further. It’s nice knowing that I could pick up and go whenevs, I think Michelle has been onto something this whole time. I mean, it’s not like I’d go anywhere; it’s just nice to know that I could.