i dreamt of a fever, one that cure me of this cold winter set heart

"Can we listen to some music?" Rori asked me as we were getting ready on sunday afternoon. I walked over to the computer.

"Not Britney Spears," she added.

Dammit.

I may or may not be listening to her new CD a lot. And say what you will about her (I think she needs professional help, i feel sad a little bit/a lot when I think about how sick she really is--in the head and whatnot), but that new CD of hers in fantastic. I love it, start to finish.

And I've got to tell you, I was surprised as hell that I like it so much. I've never liked any of her other CD's all the way through before.



So, Heath Ledger died last week. I mean, WTF? Who saw that one coming? Not me. I'm not gonna say a lot about it cause I feel like everyone and their mother has addressed the topic since the news first broke less than an hour after it happened. I know because I've read all of it.

But you know, it just really, really sucks. Very sad.

The silver lining is that he was able to complete this before his untimely passing:



I am wicked excited to see what will be his last completed performance.





So, I haven't written in at least a week and it is by no means attributed to inactivity, except sort of. Basically.

They have this show on A & E called "Intervention". I love this show. And I loved it a whole lot more before I sort of had one of my own. Apparently I have a bit of a problem with being reckless, drinking/partying too much, I'm not on quite the right track with school and a bevy of other things. The only thing I've been really good about lately, is keeping it in my pants, proverbially speaking of course. But I've failed at just about everything else.

So, I'm going through a lot of changes right now, feeling very foggy, restless, sleepless, that sort of thing. It'll pass for sure. And it's all entirely my fault, so don't think I'm seeking out any sort of compassion or pity. I'm just trying to explain my absence and explain any changes you might notice taking place.

I guess it's time to grow up a bit. Not too much, but a healthy amount is in order I think. There will be a little less of this:




And a lot more of this:




You really should check out the show Intervention. It's awesome. My favorite one was this girl who had this addiction to speedballing. She was in really deep and her dad kept fueling. AND she had an eating disorder just like her mother who was convinced that she did not have an eating disorder, even though she totally did.

It was a really good episode. That show really shakes you up, gives you a reality check. And there's an extra special kind of reality check when you are the subject of one. Thank god it wasn't on TV. That would've sucked balls. For real.

Here's another kind of Intervention. Arcade Fire, to be specific:



Now that I've gotten all of that other obligatory exposition out of the way I would like to move on to bigger and better/happier things.

1. There is a band. Will post pics/updates later. But beautiful music is being made and might find its way to your ears sometime in the near future.

2. This weather is ridiculous.




We've gotten a really decent amount of snow this winter, and not counting today, we've had pretty steady temps. I kind of feel like a meteorologist right now. But srsly, we all like our winters to be like this:



And they end up being a little more like this:



I have lived in Michigan my whole life (sad but true) and I feel like half of the population still has no idea what they're doing behind the wheel of a vehicle. I mean, essentially, a car is a killing machine. You sort of barrel on down the road going pretty effing fast (if you're anything like me), and really, you could kill yourself and/or someone else if something unexpected like a torrential downpour or something.

I feel like people panic, especially with heavy rain or any amount of snow. They slam on the brakes like morons and cause accidents, spilled beverages, further panic and a deeper seeded hatred of driving under these conditions.

One morning before I braved the treachery that was my drive to work, I paid a bum $5 to shovel me out of my spot. My car was blocked in by a shit ton of snow. There were at least 4 feet of snow completely encasing my vehicle. I walked out there with my hot chocolate and grilled cheese (breakfast of champions, ps) in hand and my jaw dropped. I was all, "what the hell? how the fuck am i gonna get out of there."

Lo and behold, this bum comes jogging up from further down the street wearing a smorgishbord of clothes (members only jacket, knit (?) vest, hoodie, snow pants (?), jeans, sweatpants, sneakers, a knit cap and mismatched gloves). He looked like he just walked off stage as a member of the chorus from RENT. "Christmas bells are ring-ing, Christmas bells are ring-ing. how time flies."

Anyway, he shoveled me out and offered to brush my car off for an extra dollar even though I was halfway done already.

I still got to work late, but it was all good.

3. The L Word is trucking along and rocking my world. And I think I can really relate to Bette right now. Not me right now, but me a while ago. No time specification necessary. Suffice as to say, I get her. Also, she is smoking hot. You know who else is? Helena? Where is she? Probs with Papi.

4. I lost heat in my apt. the weekend before last and wanted to kill father time and mother earth and whoever thought it would be a great idea to still heat things with a boiler. Damn it was cold in my apt. Not quite as cold as it was when the heat went out last winter and Eric and I thought that maybe it was a sign of the apocalypse or something. We sat huddled around our space heaters and watched the time drag on.

This time wasn't so bad. Still really fucking cold, but it only lasted a couple of days and I am pleased to report that my apt. is back to sweltering heat. Chelsea has described it as "hot as balls" on countless occasions and I'd have to agree.

But you know, I don't mind the heat. First of all, I am half Mexican and so I think probs my genetics dictate me requiring copious amounts of heat and also, it is really fucking cold outside. I'd rather be really hot than freezing my ass off. And I think most people would agree. Maybe even Chelsea.

5. My iPod died.



I don't know why I put this in with other stuff that is supposed to be not shitty. But whatevs. My iPod broke and I am devastated. I stared at it forever and felt like I might cry, but I didn't.

Life post iPod is very different from life pre-iPod. And I swear to you I was so grateful during the iPod years (circa 2003-2008). They were great years. I had a couple iPods and loved them unconditionally and in their own special ways. My newest one died of what I believe to be anything other than natural causes, unless you count carelessness as "natural".

My phone must've cracked the screen on accident when it was hanging out in my pocket waiting to rock my world. Now the screen looks like it's fading away from a terminal illness. Poor Oscar. Such a wonderful little iPod. Was totally my favorite thing I owned.

It's weird that I'm speaking in the past tense as if I buried the damn thing in the alley. But the truth is, I'm still carrying it around in my bag like it might come back top life when I least expect it, by way of an iPod fairy or the miracle of prayer or a shooting star. Something, dammit. Something.

These are difficult times, the days we are living in. First the war, the economy, and now this. I am simply beside myself.

I've resorted to carrying around a discman. Until this very moment, I cannot recall the last time I even thought about a "discman", let alone wrote about it. I carry around a case full of CDS i feel like I can't live without right now. It contains the following:

Radiohead
As Tall As Lions
AC/DC
Led Zeppelin
Fiona Apple
The Shins
The Marie Antoinette soundtrack
Colplay
Fall Out Boy
Kelly Clarkson
a few assorted mixes
Lovedrug
Motion City Soundtrack
Elliott Smith

and a couple others I can't remember right now, but seemed really important this morning when I put them in my bag. And you can say what you will about my musical selection. I will defend them all until the death. So whatevs. I forgot about Britney Spears! I totally have her new CD in there too. I've been listening to that a lot. I think I mentioned that before.

6. Most everything else is the same. I don't wanna jinx anything, but you know, things are ok. I think I've finally figured out how the whole relationship thing, or at least, I think I've figured out how to make it work for me personally. Things are good.

My heart and my head are in a good place.